


Know Your Worth

by babyhellboy



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happyish ending?, F/F, Pre Relationship, a lot of yearning glances, what is this a character sudy? i suppose so, “im a goddamn gift” just wouldnt leave my mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25875682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyhellboy/pseuds/babyhellboy
Summary: “Sometimes it left Mary in shock. What kind of childhood could this wonderful woman have possibly endured to be the way that she was? Her abilities? Unending. Yet her confidence? Nonexistent.”
Relationships: Sister Lilith/Shotgun Mary (Warrior Nun)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 53





	Know Your Worth

**Author's Note:**

> idk why i keep doing this lmfao. its kinda a mess.

Mary knew her worth. She was a goddamn gift. So many had told her differently in the past and she had decided she'd never let anyone treat her any less ever again. She held her head proudly after joining the OCS. These people, so kind and always respectful, treated her the way she knew she deserved. They were all equals and she appreciated that so much. 

And then there was Lilith. Mary saw the way Lilith composed herself. She could see through the younger woman’s facade. Mary always saw everything. And Lilith? She tried so hard to make herself seen. Her posture rigid and straight, her back stiff, chin held high, it felt almost unnatural. Mary had seen it before. That was the posture all the other foster kids used to have when they were being disciplined. And seeing it in Lilith hurt Mary. She wasn’t even that close to the woman so why did she care? Slowly, Mary noticed Lilith more. She saw the way Lilith would sometimes pause as though collecting her emotions when someone commented about her status as a legacy. She saw the way Lilith’s jaw clenched as she lost a fight against a less experienced sister. It wasn’t anger that Mary saw. It was disappointment in herself. How could Lilith not see how extraordinary she was? 

Mary often found Lilith in the shadows. For someone that wanted to be noticed... seen... appreciated for all she was, Lilith was very bad at demanding attention. Mary saw how comfortable Lilith was with herself when she thought nobody was looking. The confidence Lilith carried when there were no expectations of her. Yet whenever someone complimented Lilith, Mary noticed she wasn’t sure how to accept it. Lilith would look down with a strained smile and say thank you. Followed by a quick retreat to only the Lord knows where. Lilith didn’t believe them. And she didn’t believe in herself. 

Mary could see it in the way she held herself. The way Lilith flinched expecting the worst whenever a figure of authority was around. The way she never looked up even when she was at least three inches taller than everyone around her. And it pissed Mary off. Lilith was so much more talented than anyone else Mary had seen during her time at the OCS. Her combat skills unparalleled. She was so excellently versed in an abundant amount of weapons. 

Sometimes it left Mary in shock. What kind of childhood could this wonderful woman have possibly endured to be the way that she was? Her abilities? Unending. Yet her confidence? Nonexistent. 

Mary saw the way Lilith looked at her. Envy. It was an easy emotion to tell. She’d been on the tail end of that look many times. And it hurt. Mary just wanted to tell Lilith she was amazing. She wanted to give Lilith everything she knew Lilith deserved. Yet Lilith was unapproachable. She kept everyone at a distance. Even Beatrice, who Mary had come to discover had known Lilith for a very long time, was kept at a distance.

So what chance did Mary have at getting to know such a wonderful woman? And oh did she want to know Lilith. The way her stance was impeccable during practice, she just knew Lilith’s lithe form was one to be rivaled. Mary tried to dispel those thoughts from her mind. Just because she hadn’t taken the vows, didn’t mean she should think about any of the women here in such a manner. But oh did she want to. She wanted to show Lilith just how much value she had. She wanted Lilith to know that she noticed everything about her. 

Lilith never noticed Mary. Not in the way Mary had hoped. At least that's what Mary thought. Anytime she wasn’t looking at Lilith, Lilith was most certainly looking at her. 

Lilith had so much admiration for Mary that it was unbearable. And whenever she noticed Mary catch her eye in return, Lilith hardened her gaze and looked away. She didn’t want Mary to see just how much she was affected by her. How Mary’s confidence made her want to be just as confident as well. She didn’t want to be hurt yet again by someone she admired (loved? no it couldn’t be) so strongly. It never worked out. Not for Lilith. Those closest to her always hurt her. So it was easier for Lilith to stay away. Nobody could manipulate her like that. 

But that didn’t work. Anytime anyone approached Lilith anymore it was just because they needed something from her. She felt like a toolbox that was tucked away. Forgotten until a problem arose that needed fixing. 

Her confidence weaned slowly. How could she feel like even more of a shell when she was so hollowed out to begin with? 

And Mary had had enough. 

She approached Lilith one day. Slowly as though she didn’t want to scare a timid cat away. Lilith looked at her, walls securing in place, wondering what was wanted of her this time. Mary surprised her by extending her arm to the taller woman. 

“I’m Mary,” she said with a gentle smile and an even gentler voice.

“I know who you are,” Lilith said sharply. 

Ouch. That one had hurt just a little bit.

Mary was about to retract her hand just as Lilith went to grasp it. It was awkward, and a little too fast, but Mary smiled like it was a perfect handshake. 

“Lilith,” Lilith replied, softly. 

They held on for just a little too long, electricity coursing through their hands. Until Lilith realized exactly what was happening and pulled back her hand as though she was burned by the sun. 

“Would you like to eat evening meal together? I'd love to get to know you.” 

Lilith didn’t know what to say. Nobody asked to eat with her before. So she simply nodded as the tiniest corner of her wall started to crack. 

‘Don’t do it,’ her mind whispered to her, ‘don’t let her in, don't let her see. You’re not worth it. You’re not worth her time. She doesn’t want to see how broken you are. She doesn’t want to see your scars. She just wants to know what's on the outside. You’re a legacy. Of course she would want to know someone of your status.’ Lilith tried to shake those thoughts away but she knew they were true. Yet she followed Mary along anyways hoping the torments of her mind were wrong.


End file.
